dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just high enough for therapy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
