that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
