lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
