on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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