I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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