billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
