There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
