quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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