Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
