True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can you bring me the toilet please
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
