Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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