The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
