i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
