I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
