His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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