Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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