I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
