You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just threw up on my dentist
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
