if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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