even my farts smell like vagina
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
