I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
