just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
