I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
