The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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