When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
