Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
