After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
