this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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