What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
