idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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