I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
...so i touched it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
