I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
