so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
