I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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