Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
