apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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