it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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