Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
