I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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