My room smells like vodka and shame
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
