wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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