My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
