when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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