riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
