i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
