I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
