Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
