Yo dont text me then not text me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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