Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
