This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
