I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
