Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
