yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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