He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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